“Natutulog ka pa ba?” I forget who asked me the question. I got asked the same thing around three times last week. “Yun nga ‘yung problema eh, natutulog ako.” It’s so sad that I’m blaming sleep for the lack of time I need to do everything I’ve committed myself to do. There just isn’t enough waking hours to do them.
I’ve never felt so depressed over grades. I was never that much of a grade-conscious person. As long as I pass and I know for myself that I’ve learned well, I’m satisfied. Last week I found out what my mid-semester average was. In spite of all the sleepless nights and the effort, it wasn’t enough. I failed big time. The fact that I was second lowest in my block made me feel so much worse. That day I went straight home from class and sulked. The week left me so tired and I am met with a failure.
Inggit na inggit ako sa mga blockmates ko when they study in the library in the afternoons, or when they come to class ready and discuss among each other issues and cases one after another in attempt to review what they’ve read. I wish I had all the time to commit myself to the great demands of law school. When I see my blockmates talk about the lesson, I want to walk out because I barely know anything anymore.
But alas, I have extra-curricular commitments left and right. And even an extra undergraduate subject to worry about. I know I can do away with a lot of them. And believe me, I try. I don’t solicit tasks when I’m not asked anymore. Unfortunately, or perhaps not, there persists to be times when it’s as if I’m the only one who can perform some duties. Need a video presentation? Bikoy can do it. Need to drive someone around? Bikoy can do it. Need a resource person for a TV interview? Bikoy can do it. Nobody else would do this or that? Bikoy can do it. It’s always been a weakness of mine to refuse friends, brods, orgs, acquaintances in need. It’s probably how I’ve been indoctrinated in Ateneo, in my political organization and even in my fraternity. Others before myself.
Perhaps this was an isolated incident. The past week had just been exceptionally stressful. Aside from the midterms examinations, I had to produce the student council’s newsletter, handle a project for the frat, attend meetings left and right, do all sorts of errands and favors for family and friends. Sana hindi na lang ako natulog so I had time to do all these. It’s gotten this bad, I’m blaming sleep for taking away precious working and studying time.
I do so many things for other people, I end up barely taking care of myself. Law studies is a demanding bitch. And I’ve realized that in order to survive my first year in law school, I’d have to be a little more selfish than I was before. That is if I can handle the guilt. Tantanan niyo muna ako.
law student, leftist, national democratic, film school graduate, photography hobbyist
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14 comments to “Would you allow me to be selfish now?”
Know what to prioritize…
… and know how to say “NO!”.
Minsan kelangan mo muna pagtuunan ng pansin sarili mo bago mo pagtuunan ng pansin ang iba.
Pano ka na makakapaglingkod kung tagtag at gula-gulanit na katawan mo, diba?
Pahinga ka muna, Bikoy… kailangan mo rin ‘yon.
Sabi nga ni Mike Enriquez, Bikoy, “Hindi ka namin tatantanan!”
Biro lang. Tama si JM. Pahinga ka muna. O mag-Kopi Roti!
Maybe this is unnecessary lip service but you really have to prioritise your activities. If you can’t say no, delegate. Or hint heavily on how you cannot compromise your study schedule. “NOTHING should get in the way of your studying!” (line from my favourite HBO film, Cheaters) =P Other than that, good luck na lang.
awww. bikoy. an dito ang block b for you. as you said, kayang-kaya pa yan habulin. (at hindi ka nag-iisa sa pagpasok ng walang alam. PRAMIZ.)
i was the one who asked you the question…see you don’t even remember
kulang ka nga sa tulog..anyway, good luck… tulad ng lagi’t lagi kong sinasabi sa’yo na NO is always an option
di masama matulog. kaya yan, dont be so hard on yourself
This post is really human, and I love it. Not that gusto ko yung mga nangyari sayo, kuya bikoy ha. Na-miss ko lang yung mga ganitong klase ng pagkukwento.
Mahirap ngang magprioritize lalo na kung ang lahat eh umaasa sayo. Mahirap tumanggi sa totoo lang. Pero kaya yan! Go lang.
yah, learn how to say no, after all kapag tapos ka nman sa sarili mo u can do na things to other people, u r a U.P law student.
aww. ikaw naman kung makapagdrama ka.
asan si kieme mo? magpa-ring ka pag nag aaral or hanap ka ulit ng someone online tapos magpa-ring ka once in a while (dating gawi lang!haha)
and most of all, bawasan ang ECAs!
*akap* from twins.
Aray! Tinamaan ako dito ah.
Wag ka mag-alala, hindi ka nag-iisa. Yun lang, mas magaan ng kaunti ang mundo ko kasi wala pa ako sa law school.
pero kaya mo yan, ika pah! hehehe
Tao ka rin naman na napapagod. Tama lang na isipin muna natin ang sarili natin paminsan-minsan.
isang unsolocited comment from a stranger: alam mo yang, pag-aaral istorbo talaga sa EC!